Well, we’re in the middle of the first month of the New Year, and by this time, most people’s New Year Resolutions are already out the window. You may have vowed to yourself throughout December that you were going to get up early every morning to hit the gym. Or you were going to lay off the drinks. Or you were going to quit thinking about your ex. Or you were going to stop feeling guilty about the divorce.
But here you are, going through the third week of 2018, and the following has most likely happened.
The alarm clock rings at 5:30am, you slam the button, turn over, and go back to sleep.
You come home after a rough day of work and the first thing you do is grab the dirty wine glass from the dishwasher and empty the bottle of wine that you opened last night.
You catch yourself looking at your ex’s Facebook post, scrutinizing all the pictures and overanalyzing their status updates. Or, when you go to bed at night, you catch yourself thinking about how empty the other side of the bed is.
Or, as you’re trying to plan a weekend getaway with your friends, you start thinking about how bad you feel that your spouse isn’t there with you.
So much for resolutions and starting over, right? It seems like we just can’t get a break.
But I’m here to tell you to tell you that all is not lost, and just because thing mid-January aren’t going as you planned on December 31st doesn’t meant you’re destined for a crappy 2018.
You just need to change how you treat resolutions.
And when you change how you treat resolutions, you can improve how you recover from your divorce.
Don’t stress if your own resolutions seem out of reach. There’s a better way to get there. Image via MarketingLand.
But first, there is a dirty secret about starting over that you need to know.
New Year’s resolutions give you a dream, but do not give you a plan.
And this is exactly why we most of us fail at them. And continue to be hard on ourselves. And continue to be stuck, unable to move on, and struggle to put the past behind us. This conundrum hits home even more when you’re trying to navigate your divorce, or trying to rebuild your life after one.
Think about it. When is the last time you’ve ever been able to achieve anything in your life by making some broad sweeping statement? It’s impossible. The only way you can achieve what you set out to do is you make a plan for yourself.
You must start small.
set realistic and achievable goals for your divorce recovery.
You must set up a system for tracking those goals.
You must set up a system to remain accountable to those goals.
And if you don’t think you can do it yourself, then find someone who can help you stay accountable.
These steps are the only system that can give you follow-through on the things you want for your future. They will keep you from feeling overwhelmed. And you can apply them to anything you’d like to overcome in 2018—whether it’s making the decision to leave the marriage, leave the house, become financially independent, make new friends and overcome loneliness, get rid of your guilt, or just getting out of your rut. Taking stuff step by step is the only way you’ll get through the madness.
But you won’t go through it alone.
For the next few weeks, we’re going to address these steps—each session building on the other. And at the end, you’ll have a greater clarity on how you can accomplish the things you want to with your divorce and recovery this year.
So if you’re ready to get started, why not send me an email and let me know what you want to achieve this year—what do you want for yourself? I read and answer every email, drop me a line.
That’s it for now. But until we speak again, remember to take care of yourselves. You deserve it.
PS—If you have friends or family who could use some love right now, forward this email, or sign them up (with their permission). Sharing is caring.