Surviving Your Split

How to Start Feeling Better after Divorce

How to Start Feeling Better after Divorce

In the past few weeks and months, many of you have shared your biggest challenges with me. Much to my surprise, learning to move on during and after divorce didn’t really have anything to do with logistics such as learning how to budget, how to be financially independent, and things of that nature. Of course, those skills play an important part in learning how to move on, but it definitely wasn’t the main thing that kept most of us up at night.

Do you know what was?  If you guessed “learning how to feel better,” you would be right. 

Seems simple, right? But simple things are rarely easy.

In the next few weeks, we are going to examine what it means to start feeling better. Which means we are going to start looking at the emotions we can expect to feel after divorce, why we feel them, and what we can do to let them work for us and not hold us back.

There are dozens of different emotions that you probably feel when you’re learning how to move on from your divorce–sometimes you feel them all within the span of ten minutes. Each week, we will talk about a single emotion and learn strategies that can help us manage them. As a sneak peak, some of what we’ll cover includes:

  • Guilt

  • Bitterness

  • Loneliness

  • Betrayal

  • Anger

  • Feeling Lost

This is going to be a great series and I’m excited to share these strategies with you as we move forward into the summer!

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you! What emotions have held you back from moving on? Is there anything you have learned about your emotions in your divorce journey that you wish you knew before?

And as always, if you have any questions or comments, let me know! I love hearing from you and learning how I can help you get back to being happy.

Until next time, remember to take care of yourselves. You deserve it.

Warmly,
Martha

 

5 thoughts on “How to Start Feeling Better after Divorce

  1. Miranda

    Divorce was final 3 months ago and there weren’t many fireworks. I could have caused a big stink, but it wasn’t worth it especially since I didn’t want what caused us to implode to mess up our children’s lives. My issues stem from the betrayal of his cheating and abandonment. He was never around during the last 5-6 years of our sons’ lives, always working or so he said. Now he’s got all kinds of time to be with them and it leaves me believing that it was something about me that kept him away. Doubt and constant questions about what I did or didn’t do, could have done plague me almost everyday. I want it to stop. When I think that I’m doing better, something that he did or said that hurt me takes me back to that place again. Journaling only keeps me in the moment and I stay there for an amount of time that I don’t think is good for me. I sometimes think seeing the therapist that I see keeps me where I don’t want to be as well. Don’t really know what’s next. Thoughts and suggestions! Please!

      1. M

        Hello, I’m a daughter of a recently divorced late fifties amazing women. She’s been horribly betrayed by my father who really did a number in the lying and cheating and being a fraud department. She was always the bread winner has a successful career and will be fine financially etc. But, emotionally… this is all so unfair to her. I want to know what i can do to be supportive? I’m afraid she might not want to see me as much as I want to be there, I’m also afraid that as a daughter i can’t really be as supportive as I would a friend as there is so much of my own rage tied up in this. What is the best corse of action? does support from your adult children help or hurt? How much of my own emotions should I be sharing or should I be championing the new life already (mind you, this all happened about two weeks ago, that my father’s two year affair was discovered)

  2. Ruthie

    I am dating and in love with a man that divorced 10months ago (not his choice, he was totally surprised.) after 37yrs of marriage. He had been with this woman since they were 14! Over the last 17yrs, he too a job that kept him away 10 or 11 months a year. The ex wife’s anger still shocks him, although in hindsight he is able to understand why it all happened, that things weren’t perfect while he was away.
    We met and fell for each other over a short period of time. I myself have been divorced for 4yrs after 22yrs of marriage, and am ready to spend my life with this man. I understand we moved fast, but we really love each other, and things were great at first. Now, the sex has stopped. He rejects my every advance. We talk openly about most things, and when we talk about it all he can say is, “I feel guilty”….”I know I’m not married anymore but I feel so much guilt for moving on”…”.I don’t know how to fix it”…”I don’t understand why I feel this way, I just do”…”I don’t want to hurt you, and it’s not that I don’t want you”….Every other aspect of our relationship is full of love, friendship, care, kisses, hand holding, joint problem solving, compassion….. But I long for the intimate connection. I don’t know how to help him, or myself. I know he’s not had enough time to heal, but fate brought us together under the strangest of circumstances, so now here we are. He’s a good man, a wonderful man. What is there to do? I’m so scared of losing him to his guilt, which he can’t even examine, much less verbalize.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Want to get rid of your divorce guilt?

Download my Divorce Guilt Recovery Guide!

We respect your privacy.