Surviving Your Split

How to Move the Hell On Part 5: Treating your Divorce like a Gift

How to Move the Hell On Part 5: Treating your Divorce like a Gift

Over the past few weeks during our Move the Hell On Series, you have learned a lot—you learned how to grieve in a healthy manner. You also learned how to find your own voice again. And you also learned the best strategies for planning your future.

Today, we are going to wrap up the series with learning how to treat your divorce as agift. And not some crappy gift that you end up shoving in the back of your closet because you know it’s too awful to re-gift.

Pet Rock

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your divorce is definitely not a crappy gift. Like this one. Image via ABC News.

We have briefly touched on the theme of divorce being a gift before, when we talked about it being the best thing that could ever happen to you. But today, we are going to take those lessons and learn how to apply that divorce gift so you can continue to move on with your life.

Don’t think of yourself as just a “divorcee.” You are so much more than that.

For years, you probably defined yourself as spouse, partner, and caregiver. Those definitions are all great, but they only make up a part of you. And when we tie ourselves to those definitions, we forget about all the things we once were.

But you are now given the incredible gift of redefining yourself.  What do you identify with? Are you are dreamer, thinker, and doer?

It’s time to start embracing all the things you are besides just a person who’s no longer married. Take a moment to write down at least three ways to see yourself beyond your marital status. For example…

I am one hell of a friend and I always have my friends’ back.

I am a traveler who dreams, plans, and is bold enough to travel to those places others merely see in their dreams.

I am a master in the kitchen who knows how to whip up a feast from five ingredients hiding in my pantry.

Now it’s your turn! What are all the awesome things about yourself that you have overlooked during the divorce? Will you start seeing yourself for all these great things you are and all the great things you do?

Remember—being divorced means that now, you call the shots. You get the freedom to do what you want, when you want, and treat yourself like the queen you are. So start thinking of your self-identification beyond your divorce—which is just one small slice of who you actually are and all the amazing things that you are actually doing.

Have a plan for yourself. It’s the chance to chart your own destiny.

Divorce after a years-long marriage can leave us confused with how to plan for ourselves since plans usually involved the spouse. But your life doesn’t stop just because your marriage ended. It just means that you now have the freedom to do things on your own terms.

That sort of freedom can seem overwhelming at first. But having a plan doesn’t have to be! A great way for creating a reinvention plan for yourself is to answer the following questions:

Want do you want for yourself?
What steps will you take to get what you want?
Who can help you along the way?

Sometimes it can be difficult identifying the steps to get what you want as you continue to reinvent yourself after divorce.  Living under different circumstances than you did when you were married, or if you are retired, on a fixed income, makes many older women thing that they will not be able to do the things they want, but this is not necessarily the case.

There are many excellent resources and professionals with expertise you not just live within your means, but thrive during the best years of their lives. The key is recognizing that you deserve to be happy and that with some planning, there is no reason you cannot achieve that for yourself.

Woman Captain

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bad metaphor alert! It’s time to take the compass that is your independence to chart your course! Image via Boston.com.

Don’t view your divorce as a failure. View it as your second chance.

Many of us, even years after a divorce, carry an unfair burden. We wrongly think that the fact that because their marriage ended means they failed at something. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

If you really want to move the hell on, you need to start thinking of the end of your marriage not as some tragedy, but instead as the gift that it really is. When you view your divorce as the opportunity to now define life on your own terms, the chance to be happy again, and the chance to now write this new chapter in your life as your own vision and not your former partner’s, then you are creating the best possible future for yourself.

Nobody can change the past. However, always remember that divorce does not mean you are not worthy of celebrating these next years of your life. In fact, reinventing yourself beyond the label of “divorcee,” learning to plan for the things you now have the freedom to do, and viewing your divorce as a learning experience that has now let you define life on your own terms means you now have the chance to move forward to an amazing future. And that’s what treating your divorce like a gift is all about.

Sharing this How to Move the Hell On series with you has been an absolute blast, and I am excited to announce that there is more to come. In the weeks ahead, the Surviving Your Split newsletter will continue with another series of awesome strategies that will make you feel better.  You won’t want to miss it!

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you! In what ways are you treating your divorceas a gift?

And as always, if you have any questions or comments, let me know! I love hearing from my readers and learning how I can help you get back to being happy.

Until next time, remember to take care of yourselves. You deserve it.

Warmly,
Martha

 

18 thoughts on “How to Move the Hell On Part 5: Treating your Divorce like a Gift

  1. Kimjolly

    This seems like a good read but I have a long horrific jurney ahead of me I was diagnosed with uterine / ovarian cancer in feb of this yr my partner of 6 yrs couldn’t have compassion & desided to get his pleasures else ware I caught him & now im not only fighting cancer I am fighting an extremely heart broken betrayed soul who feels so lost & used but I enjoy reading your words thank you.

    1. Martha B Post author

      Hi Kim! Thank you for reaching out on the blog. I am so sorry to hear about your cancer diagnosis. How are you feeling and managing?

      Ugh. I’m also sorry to hear about your partner leaving you–that’s definitely a double whammy but I will tell you something. You deserve so much better than being with someone who is not going to value you. The site has a lot of great strategies you can use to help navigate through that loss and heartache, so keep reading! And, if you would like, I can sign you up for the newsletter where you’ll receive a free Survival Guide AND get the best strategies delivered to your inbox. I’m happy to send these along if you would like.

      In the meantime, remember that as lost and heart-broken as you feel right now, you will get through this heartbreak and realize just how strong and worthy of love that you are. You’re in my thoughts! ~Martha

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