Surviving Your Split Divorce Recovery

Kick Your Divorce Anxiety in the Ass!

Kick Your Divorce Anxiety in the Ass!

How to Kick Divorce Anxiety in the Ass

No matter where you are in the divorce process it’s unavoidable.

You know the feeling all too well. That divorce anxiety and stress. The fear of the unknown. The loss of control of the life we thought we knew. It’s normal to panic, but that doesn’t mean you have to go through your days worried that you’re doing something wrong in your divorce, or that you’re going to screw something up.

You deserve better than that.

See, here’s the the thing that cripples us during divorce. When we’re going through something new and unfamiliar, we think that for some reason we won’t be good at it, and that we’ll completely fail at it. The same irrational thinking is applicable to the divorce process. Most of the time we’re panicking because we have no idea what the hell is going to happen from one day to the next.

“Is my ex going to change their mind on the settlement?”

“Will I have enough money as a single parent to support myself but still be there for my children?”

“Oh god. What if this divorce drags out? Am I going to be broke?”

“I haven’t worked outside the home for years. Where on earth will I even start?”

“Am I ever going to get over this anger I have?”

“Will I ever find love again?”

We don’t know the answers to these questions or the myriad others invading our thoughts at all hours of the day, and those unanswered questions are what make us anxious. Anxiety preys on our insecurities about what we don’t know. And for some reason, we have been conditioned to think that THE UNKNOWN= SOMETHING COMPLETELY HORRIBLE, which is just crazy.












Divorce anxiety preys on our insecurities. It’s time to stop that. (Image courtesy Medical News).

We fear the unknown, without really fully grasping that the UNKNOWN can actually have a shitload of amazing things for us. Our anxiety paralyzes us because it has hijacked our not knowing the future, the UNKNOWN, and has put dibs on it saying, “Oh, because you are unsure of what will happen, that means it must automatically something horrible.”

And you know what, Anxiety? That’s just bullshit. Just because we don’t have a crystal ball to see into the future doesn’t mean we’re going to be held hostage anymore, lying awake at night, worried sick about what the future has in store for us.

We’re going to do thing differently. You already have all the tools you need to kick your anxiety to the curb. And with the exercise below, you’ll learn how to do just that.

Kick Anxiety in the Ass Exercise

This exercise is actually really easy, and a lot of fun. Chances are in your life, you have been though other stressful situations. And I know for a fact that you were able to get think those situations through, plan them out, and navigate with grace.

You can do the same thing with your divorce anxiety in a few easy steps.

  1. Take a few minutes and think about some of the past stressful situations in your life.

  2. Write down how you dealt with those situations. What did you do, exactly? What fears did you have that you were able to work through? What steps did you take?

    Example: I was laid off unexpectedly last year. I totally didn’t see it coming and I wasn’t prepared to look for another job.

    After initially freaking out, I knew that I had to get to get busy and that I didn’t have time to sit and be upset. I updated my resume. I subscribed to job alerts on several job sites. I started attending as many career fairs as I could find. I started reaching out to former colleagues to see if they knew of any openings. I also applied for unemployment compensation and re-tooled my budget because I knew things would be tight until I found new work.

  3. After you are finished doing this with a few events in your life, list the things in your divorce that are causing you anxiety. Be honest and thorough. You’ll find that getting it all off your chest will make you feel better.

  4. Now for the big leap: How can you apply some the things that you did in other stressful situations of your life to your current divorce anxiety? The connections are there, and they are strong.

    1. Example: I am anxious about the divorce because I don’t know what to do. But I remember feeling that way when I was laid off.

    2. Plan: Much like when I was laid off, the only way I can make any changes in the way I feel is if I take action. I feel anxious because I feel unsure, but I won’t feel unsure if I start to plan. So, I am going to start to research. I am going to list everything I actually can do, and then take action to do them. If I am worried about money, I will look at my budget and see if I really need to worry. If I do, I will research other income sources or speak with a financial advisor. If I need help trying to figure this all out, I will reach out for further guidance.

Repeat this step with all the things that are giving you anxiety and stress, and you’ll start to realize that there is actually so much you can control. This is your life. You own it. And the anxiety that holds you hostage is something you can kick to the curb.

kung fu woman










This is you after the exercise! (Image courtesy 

Game Plan

Even though it feels like your world is crumbling down on you, remember that you can handle this. You can handle it with grace, intelligence, and courage. You weren’t born yesterday, and you have years of experience handling stressful situations. Whether it was moving, managing a sickness, dealing with an asshole boss or co-worker, or sticking up for yourself and advocating for yourself. You know how to plan, make lists, and handle crises. The key is to apply those same principles to your divorce.

The more credit you remember to give yourself, and remembering to draw from your past experiences of dealing with drama in your life, the easier it will be to kick your divorce anxiety in the ass. You’re smart enough and organized enough to do anything.




7 thoughts on “Kick Your Divorce Anxiety in the Ass!

  1. Pingback: How To Quit Losing Sleep Over Your Divorce | Better After 50

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  3. Samantha Figueroa

    I definitely needed to read this today. It’s seriously like ever since my husband asked me for a divorce randomly through the day I have been getting anxiety. It just comes rushing out of nowhere. Reading all this just made me feel like I am the victorious strong woman and I will get through this!

  4. Diane

    I have divorce trial next Tuesday from a man who emotionally abused me and I’m scared to death. Just want to cry all the time. I feel so afraid because he has done a great job of making me feel like less than a human. I don’t know how to deal with this. I need help please

  5. Frank

    My wife of 8 years told me flat out she doesn’t want to be married and is looking for a new house. Did I mention we have the sweetest little girl in the world? How can you not be anxious when you know she is going to feel like her mom is leaving her? I can barely manage the rejection and I am a grown man. How can people be so selfish? She has a great job, daughter, house, and a husband who cooks, cleans and loves her and our little girl. I moved halfway across the country and left my family so she could get a great job. Two years and a new house later, she’s still not satisfied. I don’t know whether to trust that maybe she’ll realize what she’s doing, be patient, or begin the rewriting of my brain to stop thinking about her once and for all. All I know I am sick of crying about this every morning at 3am. Good luck to all others who have had their hearts crushed.

    1. NamlessOne


      I am with you brother. After 10 years, my wife is considering divorce now and it’s because she suddenly realized she married me out of far no one else would want a woman with three prior kids. I was the one to say “not so” I am dedicated to love you and the kids. Now, two more kids later, and she’s considering divorce because “she just wants to be alone”.

      My greatest fear is for my kids. How are they going to take this, how will this effect their well-being, to be separated from one parent? Also, how am I going to bare not seeing them every night to kiss them and watch funny videos, to pray with them? Then, of course, the “who will love me, if not her?” It took a lot for me to finally get to a point to find her and marry her, in my life… now… I’ll be adrift off on the ocean, my wife, my kids, my life, on the other shore as the tide pulls further and further away. (This was a literal nightmare I had a few years ago).

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