At this point in your divorce journey, you may have already done some research. You may have already talked to a lawyer. You may have already gone on some support forums to see if others have experienced the same crap that you are feeling right now. Some of what others on the forums, or what some in your support group say may make you feel better, and that’s great. But many times, that’s just a one-time feel-good solution that you soon forget the next time some BS comes your way.
You know what I’m talking about. You may have read a great article about how to practice mindfulness and you try really hard to remember it, but the next thing you know, the ex-to-be sends you a text saying they’re going to be two hours late picking up the kids, although you freakin’ agreed on the original time a week ago.
Or when you haul ass to your attorney’s office for your appointment, and they’re running late, and you wait in the waiting room. For an extra hour. Silliness like that builds up. Day after day, week after week, month after month. During that time, you’re trying to stay strong, saying “I’m fine” through clenched teeth to anyone who asks, when the truth of the matter is you just want to go into the bathroom and scream.
Why can’t we get a break, for like one damn day during this divorce?!?!
Ready to snap? Help is on the way. (Image via Gawker.)
Ah, but remember what we talked about last week? The part about getting unstuck from the drama ONLY when we didn’t react to it in a negative way that screws us over?
Let’s pull that “controlling the reaction” and changing it into a “changing how I react instead” thread for a minute.
You can’t get out of the daily mess if you keep doing the same things that got you there.
That doesn’t mean you fire your attorney, flip your boss off, and run away to Tahiti. If you do, let me know and I’ll come with you. I’m a light packer with a passport at the ready. But really, the only why you’re going to get out of the shit show is if you change how you react to it.
Think of the daily toils of divorce as what I’d call the 5-foot view. During divorce, we usually only take action when something is right in front of our face, meaning that we usually react to it emotionally, and usually not in the way that best suits us and our moving on without being stressed and bitter.
The only way to get out of the rat race is to think bigger, think better, think ahead. You’re better than this bullshit that weighing you down. And the only way to rise above it is to think bigger. The Big Picture. Sure, you’re stuck in this divorce process where day in and day out it’s never-ending to-do lists and too much advice. But that doesn’t mean you have to continue letting it bring you down. And the only way you can get above it is to think ahead of it.
Confused as hell? Don’t worry. Check your inbox tomorrow, where you’ll find an exercise will teach you the hang of it so you can start feeling better, no matter what yesterday and today threw at your face, and what silliness this evening, or tomorrow, or this week-end will have in store.
Need some extra help? Schedule your free coaching session and we can work on this together!
As always, if you have any questions I’d love to hear from you.
Until next time, take care of yourselves. You deserve it.