Surviving Your Split

How to Approach Your Divorce

How to Approach Your Divorce

For most people, divorce can be a nightmare. It takes a compound business and logistical endeavor and forces someone who is in the depths of despair and anger and hurt into making complex business decisions. Read why it really is as difficult as we think it is, and learn how to approach it in a manner that could decrease the confusion and panic.

First thing’s first: The Way We handle it forces us to get in the weeds

Take as a second and Google “Divorce Help” or “Divorce Advice” and look at the results. If our search engines are similar, you probably saw similar things that I did:

“Online Divorce for $149”

“Help Your Child Through Divorce”

“Top 11 Divorce Tips to Remember”

“Five Reasons the Divorce is Your Fault”

Greeeeeeaaaaat. So, you mean to to tell me that when I’m in despair, grieving, confused, and completely lost because I’m reeling from one of the most stressful events that a person goes through, that I’m supposed to absorb and study all these tidbits of information, somehow make sense of them, and apply that to my own unique divorce situation? Is it just me, or is this absolutely insane and unhelpful to anyone else?

That’s why divorce is such a struggle. And it’s not just the internet that is to blame on this one. For years, handling divorce in this country has scattered and confusing, and it’s like doing a 1000x piece jigsaw puzzle in the dark. We are expected to handle multiple issues being thrown at us, putting out several fires at once.  There you are, facing major trauma—the death of your marriage and the loss of a life that you thought you knew, and all of a sudden, you’re bombarded with a thousand business decisions that even a person not going through emotional hell would be overwhelmed to make. How are you supposed to figure out new living arrangements, if your spouse has taken all the money in the accounts, how you’re going to find a lawyer and therapist and how you’re going to pay for them? And the frustrating part is trying to cobble together all those extraneous and contradictory bits of advice online and somehow make them work for you and your own unique situation. WTF?

This is insane. No wonder why divorce is a living hell–emotionally, financially, and legally. The status quo is making the divorce process a hot mess because it forces you to fight from the bottom and juggle separate things all at once. But it doesn’t have to be that way. What if you could take your divorce and frame it in a way that empowers you, gives your confidence back, and lets you heal and  get on with your life? 

It is possible. And I want to show you how you can begin to reframe the way you go through divorce in a way that will give you the comfort and clarity that will empower you and heal you. As you already know, no single checklist is a miracle cure for all the things going on with the divorce, but take some time to think over your struggle from a more top-down approach by starting with these initial questions:

  1. What am I feeling right now?

  2. Of these feelings, which ones are clouding my judgement? What steps can I take so that I can neutralize them and still proceed with the logistics of this divorce?

  3. What is it that I want with this divorce, exactly? Are these wants realistic?

  4. What is that I need? What are the immediate needs? What are the more long-term ones? Remember to be realistic on your needs during the divorce.

  5. What is it that I might have to compromise on during the divorce?

  6. How will I handle something if it does not go my way?

  7. Where do I want to be with this divorce in 3 months? 6 months? 1 year?

  8. What can I do right now, that will help me get to where I want to be?

You may not have the answers to all these questions right now. When you’re grieving and panic-stricken and desperately searching for answers to what went wrong, it’s hard to take a step back and take the long view. But in order to survive this turmoil and come out a stronger, healed person, it is necessary.

This framework may not be the be-all end-all cure-all for how to approach your divorce. Be very suspicious if anyone, or anything, online, says that it is. But what this approach will teach you to do is to start framing all the things required of you in a way that is not overwhelming, confusing, or patronizing.

If you would like to learn more about these approaches that will empower you and mitigate the fear and panic and confusion that you struggle with during this wreck of a time, I invite you to sign up for my newsletter, where we will explore and learn how to take control of divorce in a way that will empower and heal so that you can move on. As a thank-you gift, I will e-mail you your very own guide, that will help you prioritize and balance how you can channel the hurt and pain and anger and grief and desperation into clear, level-headed action so that you can heal and move on.

As always, please e-mail me or post a comment with any questions. Let me know how I can help.

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