Surviving Your Split

How divorce to-do lists can actually make you feel better.

How divorce to-do lists can actually make you feel better.

Hi There!

So, last email, we talked about how we actually screw ourselves over when we try to get all our crap done at one time. Check out that story here if you haven’t yet!

Let’s pull that thread a little bit, because it’s a conflicting concept when you’re recovery from your divorce. On the one hand, you’ve got weirdos like me saying, “calm the hell down and don’t rush rush rush to your recovery, because shit doesn’t work like that.”

But then on the other hand, this same weirdo is going to tell you, “hey, there’s still some things you need to do on your end to help pave the way for feeling comfortable and feeling like your old self again.”

Okay, so at this point you’re probably thinking, “Girl, how the hell can those two conflicting ideas co-exist?”

It’s called the No-BS Compassion Timeline

Let’s start with the following: Think of your recovery process as a crazy ultratriathalon, where those completely insane athletes are running, swimming, biking, eating nasty endurance gels, and peeing in their bike shorts for days.

Well, that’s you. Probably minus the peeing in your bike shorts part.  But instead of those crazy physical activities, you’re balancing your grief, trying to be independent, trying to get your financial shit together, trying to be okay coming home to an empty house, and trying to figure out the next steps in your life.

Those ultrathiathalon athletes don’t hit the ground running Day 1 and complete the triathalon. They train for months, breaking down their training into different sections (speed, endurance, flexibility, recovery, etc) before they day of the race.

Well, starting today, that’s you on the road to feeling comfortable again and back to your old self—where you’re get to a place where you feel confident again, less frustrated, not lonely, and not fighting back tears all the time.

So here’s what you do.

1. Make a list of all the logistical things you need to do in the next month–these are the things you can actually control. Examples include: formulating a budget if you haven’t already, make an appointment with your financial advisor about your different retirment options, going to your medical appointments, making at least two lunch dates with your friends, stuff like that.

2. Describe how you’re feeling as you write that list. You can jot down words next to the to-dos. If you’re stressed, write “stressed out as hell.” If you’re nervous, put “nervous.” If you’re overwhelmed, write, “Aaaaahahahaahahhahah” until you run out of paper.

3. Make a list of all the things you’re going to do for you in the next month—these include going to the gym a few times a week, sigining up for a fun class, getting a massage, making an appointment with your therapist.

4. Write all these things down in your calendar/appointment book/wherever you keep track of your shit.

5. In one month, go back to those original lists. Next to those original feeling words you wrote, jot down what you’re feeling now. You’ll be suprised and how much your attitude will change.

Too easy, right?

Next time, we’re going to talk about what to do when you don’t get all your shit done. Here’s the teaser: it doesn’t mean you get to sit and pout.

And if you have any questions about this exercise, or want to share your list of shit to do and your feelings about it, you can write it in the comment section below. I read each one and love hearing from you!

Well, that’s it for now. But until we speak again, remember to take care of yourself! You deserve it.

Warmly,
Martha

One thought on “How divorce to-do lists can actually make you feel better.

  1. Pingback: How To Pick Your Divorce Battles - Since My Divorce

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