When divorce is making you feel awful because you’re trying to navigate through the divorce overwhelm and hard feelings, that quick reaction tends to be an emotional reaction. And when you react emotionally, there’s no time to step back, take a deep breath, and figure out a more logical and calm solution that you deserve.
Learning how to shift your mindset to think react logically is a lifeline journey. But today, let’s start the process with this simple exercise!
The only requirement is that you are COMPLETELY HONEST with yourself when you go through the steps.
List what’s making you feel like crap today.
List what’s made you feel like crap in the past week.
List what’s made you feel like crap in the past month.
List what’s make you feel like crap since the split started.
I’m feeling bad today because my there is just too much to do
This past week, I found out my ex-to-be is dating again
This month I visited with a lawyer and found out her retainer fee. I’m freaking out because I don’t know how I’ll afford it
I’m just so confused and angry and heart-broken. I feel like I’m to blame for the divorce
Spend some time today writing your list! (Image via Teachings.org).
Now comes the fun part. For each reason you have written down, you will counter that feeling with something that you can control. And to hold yourself accountable, you will give yourself a time frame to accomplish it. Take a look at the examples for divorce inspiration!
There is a lot to do, but I haven’t bothered to write a list. What I am going to do is write a to-do list of the things I really need to do today. It’s not everything. Then tomorrow, I am going to do the same. And then I am going to look at a month-long calendar and prioritize what really needs to be done. And I will ask for help and reach out for advice within the next week. I don’t have to feel overwhelmed because I don’t have to go through this alone.
I’m sad that my ex is dating again, but I need to remember that I deserve to be with someone who treats me right and doesn’t make me feel bad, which they did. I instead will direct that sadness into energy for myself--in the next two days, I am going to find a Meet-up group I really like and I am going to one of their events by next week. This week-end, I am going to treat myself to a movie that I want to see—something my ex-to-be would never have gone to but I can go enjoy it by myself.
Although I am freaked out by the lawyer’s fee, I have options. If she’s a good lawyer and I trust her, I will research what options I have to come up with the money. If it’s still out of the ballpark, I will research legal clinics and pro-bono places this weekend and see what other reasonably-priced legal representation is there.
I feel horrible about the divorce and I need someone to talk to. Tomorrow I am going to search for a therapist and I will make an appointment next week. Tonight after dinner, I am going to see what healing and books are available on Amazon to buy that can make me feel better. Next week, I will find an online support group where I can share my story in a non-judgmental platform.
Please tell yourself this. Everyday. (Image via Pinterest).
Now it’s your turn! Don’t be afraid to play around with this exercise and search your options. You’ll surprise yourself with the amount of creativity and knowledge you already have to start making yourself feel better.
So much of the drama we experience daily is a result of how we react outside influences. You alone have the power to choose how you react. And when you make those smart choices of reacting with kindness and logic, the easier it will be to glide from day-to-day and not be held prisoner with drama that you think is out of your control.
Need some extra divorce help? Schedule your free coaching session and we can work on this together!
I’d love to hear about what you found out about yourself and how you are able to change how you react through this exercise!
As always, if you have any divorce questions I’d love to hear from you.
Until next time, take care of yourselves. You deserve it.
Martha, your Divorce Coach