Surviving Your Split

Get out of the daily divorce sh*t show. Part 2

Get out of the daily divorce sh*t show. Part 2

Happy Thursday, Everyone!

Yesterday, we talked about slogging through the nightmare of divorce daily to-do’s and craziness. You probably go through the day feeling like a hamster on the divorce wheel with no end in sight. However, remember that the only way you can break free of that madness is to focus on The Big Picture to do what you really want.

“But Martha! How am I supposed to do that when I’m dealing with this crap on a daily basis?” 

Remember that only way to get out of that trap is to focus on The Big Picture to do what you really want. That can seem like you’re being spoon-fed with a fire hose, but I promise it’s not as complicated as it sounds. Remember last week, when we talked about changing our mind frame if we ever want to get anywhere? The same goes for this week, but with a different exercise.

So, without further ado, I present….

Getting Out of the Daily Shit Show
a.k.a “The What Do I Want and Where Do I Want to Be?” Exercise

**Warning: as you go through this exercise, you cannot cop out and be lazy and say, “Oh, I want to be divorced.” Well, no shit. Nobody wants to be in this state of purgatory and crazy any longer than they possibly have to.  Think about where you want to be, what you want to do, and what you are going to do to create that future for yourself—that second chance that you weren’t expecting. Take advantage of this opportunity that you can. End of Warning.**

It’s time to write again! If you want to really get something from this exercise, give yourself time to answer these questions. And be honest with yourself!

1) What do you want…really want for yourself in the next week?
 
2) What about the next month?
 
3) How about in three months?  What do you want to have accomplished?
 
4) Six Months?
 
5) Year?
 
6) Where do you want do be three years from now?  You could be anywhere, doing anything you want, and your kids (if you have them) could be happy, too. What does that look like for you?

Hopes and dreams rock. They inspire us to be the best possible version of ourselves. But we’re not done there. Now, for part 2 of this exercise! Now, let’s revisit those goals that help us think beyond the daily grind, and challenge ourselves to think about what we are going to do to make them happen.

List at least 3 steps for each of the goals you have—let’s call them Action Plan.

1) In the next week, what 3 steps will you take to change how you’re currently handling the craziness,?
 
2) In the next month, what 3 steps will change how you feel right now? What will you do to make that change?
 
3) Three months from today, 3 steps will you have done to feel more secure and better about your state than you are now?
 
4) Six months from now, what changes have you made for yourself that have helped erase the toxicity that you are experiencing today?
 
5) 365 days into the future, what systems have you put into place in your life that have left you stronger, more confident, and even more bad-ass than you currently are (if that’s even possible!)?
 
6) Fast-forward 3 years. It’s 2019 and your divorce is ancient history. What changes have you made in your life that have resulted in your ability to move on and not only survived, but thrived since your divorce?
 

The Game Plan to Break Free
It feels good, doesn’t it? Being able to imagine the endless possibilities that await you.

But remember—YOU DON’T HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEM.

By identifying where you want to be at the end of the day, by tomorrow, by the end of the week, in a month, etc, you are telling yourself that you are better than falling in the vicious cycle and reaction and drama that the daily drudgery of divorce tries to suck you into. However, although keeping your eyes on the prize and looking at the Big Picture of the life you have waiting for you on the other side helps you rise above the day-to-day struggles, the other half of the equation is you writing down and planning how to get there. I can help you get there, but at the end of the day it is your responsibility because this is your life and your happiness.

So, think boldly. See the forest and don’t just get stuck in all the trees. Remember that what’s waiting for you on the other side is that matters and that’s where your energy needs to go.

You are Here

(Image from Karl reMarks, text from author) 

As always, if you have any questions I’d love to hear from you.

Until next time, take care of yourselves. You deserve it.

Warmly,

Martha

 

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